The home in my heart. London.

London. She is the crown that sits upon the Queens' head. Everywhere else is just a jewel in this crown. But London, she's the beauty of it all. I have to tell you this. When I first heard about London. I always wanted to go. I fell in love with this glorious city long before I set foot there. And when I finally arrived I felt this surge of warmth like I belonged there all along. As I strolled the streets. Ate breakfast in a train station. Breathed in the art, architecture and the glorious history embedded into the brick in every building, I found a place I could call home. Everything about it was better. At first, I was told it would be rainy and dark. That the food would be terrible. Most importantly that the people would be miserable. But London is nothing like that.

The entire time I was there it was a sunny day until sunset at 9 (ya the sun sets at 9 PM). Some of the most friendly people I've ever seen. And the food...Fabulous. everything was good. So good I have a favorite restaurant called NANDO'S. 

I tried to go to all the famous sites and even go to Paddington station. I developed an obsession with this place because of the movie Paddington about a bear from Peru who was found there. Anyway, it was one of the major places I wanted to go and I DID! There was never a dull moment. 

There was a diverse amount of people there and everyone fit in. I could one imagine getting my own home in London.  It is a place I truly wish I could've stayed. On one of the last days there, I was lucky enough to see the queen driving out of her palace. I was so close to the car the driver could've hit me. That experience was interesting. At first, all I saw was her dogs and her petite little head with a hat on. So this is that place I'd call home. I absolutely loved it there and suggest you go visit. (But did it in like 3 years then you can just visit me) :)

Fear of being invisible.

Many and probably everyone doesn't know this about me but I'm scared of being unseen and unheard. I'm scared of not being talented. That I'm just that person people would see in the life but never interact with. I feel like I'm slowly slipping reality. Sunday morning I was with my boyfriend and felt like even though he was sitting in front of me, staring at me. I felt like he was a figment of my imagination and it wasn't real. 

I feel like everything I've done means nothing. Every word ever spoken or written. Every competition. Every prize. All apart of something that doesn't really exist. I'm scared of not being good enough. I'm scared that nothing good will happen or stay. I'm scared people will only see me as a figment of their imagination. 

Because I a scared I try to do my best. I try, to be honest, and kind. I try to be a real friend. But then I don't feel like anyone actually sees me as a friend. Or not a friend that will stay. Even though I know that's not how it is. It's what fear does. 

Because of this fear I have other fears. I fear rejection. I fear acceptance. I fear being loved. I fear being hated. I fear betrayal. I fear adoration. This makes me awfully aware of my existence on this planet. I am one in 7 billion. I'm basically already insignificant. 

But there is a bight side. I don't live by my fears. Cause if I did I wouldn't be who I am today. And I wouldn't be doing the things I'm doing.