My crippling depression.

I write this blog now because I feel the emence pressure of life. Currently, I am crying my eyes out without anyone comforting me. And I'm falling hard back into the pit of depression. I've once again been slammed with the reality of the complexity of my life. And the struggle it bears. I now don't want to grow up. I don't want to go anywhere. Do anything. I just want to be done over with everything. I want to be completely alone with my depression. It took me years to climb out of this cavern and now I'm being pulled back in. It's not fair but nothing really is. I wrote a blog about someone going insane this week but my phone lost almost all of the content I wrote except for the first three lines. After finding this out I'm crying even more because all my hard work I was ready to publish vanished. I feel like the person I wrote about like I'm going insane. I somehow created this illusion that my life was a whole lot less hard than it actually is. I no longer have the desire to excel. I no longer wish to appear anywhere outside my house. I wish to completely disappear. I'm sorry if this seems to offend or seem selfish. But this is all I feel now one empty hole and no wish to change it until it wants to go away. My love for freedom and expression are dead. I'm not ready to relive horror I had to go through five years ago. That took two years to be over and three more years to have a contest silent fight. Yet it seems I'm here again on the same rollercoaster heading straight down.