Fear of being invisible.

Many and probably everyone doesn't know this about me but I'm scared of being unseen and unheard. I'm scared of not being talented. That I'm just that person people would see in the life but never interact with. I feel like I'm slowly slipping reality. Sunday morning I was with my boyfriend and felt like even though he was sitting in front of me, staring at me. I felt like he was a figment of my imagination and it wasn't real. 

I feel like everything I've done means nothing. Every word ever spoken or written. Every competition. Every prize. All apart of something that doesn't really exist. I'm scared of not being good enough. I'm scared that nothing good will happen or stay. I'm scared people will only see me as a figment of their imagination. 

Because I a scared I try to do my best. I try, to be honest, and kind. I try to be a real friend. But then I don't feel like anyone actually sees me as a friend. Or not a friend that will stay. Even though I know that's not how it is. It's what fear does. 

Because of this fear I have other fears. I fear rejection. I fear acceptance. I fear being loved. I fear being hated. I fear betrayal. I fear adoration. This makes me awfully aware of my existence on this planet. I am one in 7 billion. I'm basically already insignificant. 

But there is a bight side. I don't live by my fears. Cause if I did I wouldn't be who I am today. And I wouldn't be doing the things I'm doing.